Bicycle
by Im-a-tiger
Summary: At an urgent meeting, the members of the Black Order find out exactly how 'involved' a Bookman can be with his collegues. Lavi x Everyone


Yays! Another new story co-authored wth my sister maddymidnight (sorry for the ad, but be sure to check out her stuff)! This was so much fun - I'm so thankful for the DGM Kink meme anon who requested it. Keeping everyone in character was especially entertaining. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own -Man

**Bicycle**

"Is it really fair that we should have this meeting without Lavi and Bookman?" Allen raised his hand, worried about the absent exorcists. They had left on a mission a few days prior and weren't scheduled to return for at least a few weeks.

"He'll be filled in as soon as he returns," Komui answered. Pushing his glasses higher up the bridge of his nose, he continued, "The lack of Akuma sightings over the last month is a bad sign and must be discussed immediately if we are to be prepared for an attack."

Komui scanned the room for effect, not focusing on any faces until he noticed the blushing face of his younger sister. Odd. Everyone else looked appropriately serious. He cleared his throat before continuing.

"As you all know, Lavi and Bookman have been sent out to-" Komui broke off when his sister squeaked. He rushed over to her, clasping her small hands. "My dear Lenalee, are you alright? Do you want to say something? Can your big brother help you in any way?"

"I'm fine brother, it's just a little warm in here," she forced a smile, her blush starting to recede.

Komui cleared his throat again.

"If that is the case, we shall continue," he paused for a moment to straighten his beret. "As I was saying, Lavi and-" Lenalee's squeak distracted him once more. His eyes grew wide in horror as the blush returned.

"No... He couldn't have. He didn't..." Komui burst into tears. "NOOOO!!!!!!! That... that... thing deflowered my precious, precious Lenalee! How _dare _he! I'll kill him!" He withdrew a large drill from inside his coat and marched towards the door.

Lenalee covered her face with her hands, mortified. She heard a snicker and looked up. Everyone turned to Cross, who looked amused.

"Get over it. It is not like you haven't slept with him either, _chief_." Cross smirked.

"Brother?"

"I... well... it ... you see..."

"Oh, it is very true." Cross laughed. "I was happily wandering through the Order when I happened to come across something rather unusual in one of the dark, unused corridors. From the looks of it, you were thoroughly enjoying the company of that 'thing'."

The room fell into an appalled silence. Pleased, Cross continued, "Not that I blame either of you really - that boy has one hell of a tongue and his-"

"M-master!" Allen gasped, mortified, "Don't say such perverted things!"

"Don't act so innocent, my _dear _apprentice, I happen to remember those rather pleasant times when you decided to join us. You were starting to get rather good with your-"

"Master, stop. _Please,_ stop," Allen whimpered, covering his face with his hands.

"Last time you said that you didn't really mean it," Cross grinned. He glanced around at the horrified expressions of his co-workers. "So, who else has been coaxed into bed by that smooth-talker?"

Everyone remained silent, surreptitiously glancing at each other.

"Anyone?"

....

"No? Well then, what about you _Krorykins?_" He asked, using the strange nickname that Lavi himself had given the other exorcist. Krory seemed to sink in on himself. "I seem to recall a pair of deep bite marks on Lavi's neck during one of our trysts – remember Allen?"

"It was just one time!" the 'vampire' blurted, before his hands shot up to cover his mouth. He looked away, terrified that he'd let it slip. Luckily for him, Cross had already moved on to his next victim.

"What about you Kanda – or should I say _Yuu-chan_?"

"Che."

"Just as I thought. I knew the Japanese were particular with manners and such. I guess he only gets away with calling you that because you're _close._"

"Anyone else?"

Miranda raised a shaky hand. Everyone turned to face her, mouths open in shocked silence. Her faced turned bright red as she plucked up the courage to speak.

"I-I never, uh, actually did... that. But there was this one time, well, we were talking. Umm, it was perfectly innocent, of course, and then I noticed that, we, uh, we were all alone and-"

"Oooh!" Allen exclaimed, cutting her off, "I know how this goes! Show them, Tim."

The golden golem, which had been perched comfortably on his head, sprang to life. It hovered above the table, a crackling image emitting from its mouth. Miranda and Lavi could be seen sitting on one of the benches outside the Order. The group watched as Lavi leant in towards her, placing a gentle kiss on her lips.

"Waaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!"

The sound from the golem was staticky at best, but the sound of Miranda's scream was obvious as she flew from her seat, running blindly from the camera's view.

Cross laughed loudly claiming the attention of all those in the room. "That's brilliant. He moved a little fast for you, eh? We didn't bother with the small talk, and the first time I kissed him it certainly wasn't on the mouth."

"So," Johnny said in a small voice, "Has anyone here _not_ slept with Lavi? Apart from me of course."

Reever raised his hand quickly, Marie grudgingly followed, as did three other exorcists, including Miranda. All in all it was a pitiful number, compared to how many were gathered in the room.

"Don't worry about it," Allen smiled, "I'm sure you'll be next. Lavi doesn't like to leave people out."

"Ahem. As interesting as this is, it isn't quite the conversation we've pulled together for," Reever spoke up, tapping his pen nervously on a clipboard.

Komui looked up from his sister's teary face. "I agree, this discussion is making Lenalee very upset."

"Brother, you are such an idiot!" Lenalee shrieked, "How could you do this to me?!"

"Lenalee, calm down, your big brother will make it better."

"NO!" She pushed herself away from the table, chair clattering to the floor as she exited the room.

"Wait!" Komui cried, chasing her out the door.

...

...

...

Cross smiled.

"Best. Meeting. Ever."


End file.
